Do any of the following sound familiar…
“She’s so skinny and pretty. I wish I looked like that…"
“She always dresses so nice. I wish I could have clothes like that…”
“She is so talented. There’s no way I could ever do that…”
“If only I had XYZ that they have, then I would be happy!”
“I wish I could get to know her better, but she’d probably never want to be friends with someone like me…”
If so, then you know exactly what I am talking about.
Stop and think for a second... Do you ever feel as if you don’t measure up? How so? And in what way?
Some real talk though- I think we all are guilty of scrolling through social media and comparing ourselves to others. I can say that this is something that I find myself doing subconsciously on almost an everyday basis. We spend our lives comparing ourselves to everyone around us and then wonder why we struggle with so much insecurity.
I asked my best friend, Erin, if she ever finds herself comparing herself to others. She said straight up to me, “Zoë, I literally have pictures saved on my phone of girls that I wished I looked like”. We both talked about the false reality that social media displays. Posts on apps like Instagram, show nothing but an unrealistic image. What people present to the outside world is usually an edited version of their reality. Everyone facetunes, uses filters, and edits their bodies to conform to what they think would be socially acceptable.
We live in a world so driven by comparison and competition that it is consuming. The negative comparisons just lead to a path of unhappiness. Comparison leads to insecurity, which then leads to a fear of failure. They make you feel jealous, inadequate, and inferior. They cause you to feel stress, anxiety, and depression.
Why you need to stop comparing yourself to others:
1) It is damaging to your sense of self
2) What you are comparing yourself against is inaccurate information
3) It does not help you accomplish any goals
Like I said, comparing ourselves is something that we just do subconsciously every day. But when I do catch myself comparing myself to others, there a few things that I do to stop and help myself find peace and contentment in being myself:
1) Remind yourself that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14 is one of my favorite verses! It says that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Therefore, you are a unique creation. There is only one you. When you open your heart to Him, He can then mold you into exactly who He wants you to be. If you ever feel like you are not enough and start to find yourself comparing yourself to others, stop and take second and say to yourself “I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am exactly who I am supposed to be.”
Accept yourself for who you are. When we focus on other people, we lose time that we could otherwise invest in ourselves.
2) Choose compliments over comparison.
When you see a woman who works while managing to go to school full time or is raising kids all simultaneously, you notice that you cannot help but compare your life to hers. Or another example, when you see a girl in a certain outfit and think to yourself “If only my body looked like that I would look that good too.”
I have been engaged since October, and the number one question that I get asked is "What is your wedding date?" I see so many West Point couples getting married within the year of their engagement where I start to compare my relationship to theirs. This causes doubt in my mind and makes me wonder if I am doing something wrong. I always stop myself and realize how ridiculous it is of me to compare because my relationship is perfect just the way it is and we are doing things at our own pace. As a couple, my finacé and I decided to really enjoy and take our time in this season of engagement and to finish our own personal goals (especially when it comes to school) before deciding to settle down officially.
I have realized that you cannot allow yourself to get jealous and start to compare yourself to another. Instead, be genuine and complement each other. We all have issues, and we need to uplift each other and have each other’s backs.
3) Realize that we all have different strengths and weaknesses.
We are all different. If all of us were the same, this world would be so dull and boring. All of us have different desires, motivations, and thought processes. For example, my sister is an amazing singer/actress (seriously go check her out @anya_starr), but I have no musical ability whatsoever. My 12-year-old sister has been playing the violin since she was 4 years old, and the closest I am to playing an instrument is Guitar Hero. My sisters both are so musically talented but I have chosen a different path. My calling in life is nursing. I love taking care of others and learning about medicine. Anyway, my point is, we all are different. We all are good at something that someone is terrible at. And we are terrible at something that someone is good at. We need to stop comparing things such as our intelligence, financial status, or looks because you are made who you are for a reason.
My FAVORITE bible story is Esther. Esther 4:14 says, “Perhaps this is the moment for which you were created.” Each of us has our own purpose and niche in life and it may take longer to find yours than others. But comparing yourself to the girl who just posted a picture of her on her fourth vacation this year or the girl who got an A on a test and you didn’t isn’t going to help you discover who you are and grow into the person that you are meant to be. If anything, your weakness should want to make you grow stronger. That is why it is so important to lean on God and thank him for how he made you.
4) Do not rely on the opinions of others, but on the opinion of God.
Before you post a picture do you worry about how many likes or comments you'll get? Or how about this; do you wonder if people will judge you based off of what you are wearing?
Our insecurity causes us to compare ourselves with others and from there we look for a way to feel superior. We need to stop worrying about what other people think and start listening to God’s opinion of us.
God says:
“FEAR NOT, THEREFORE; YOU ARE OF MORE VALUE THAN MANY SPARROWS.” (MATTHEW 10:1)
“SHE IS MORE PRECIOUS THAN RUBIES; NOTHING YOU DESIRE CAN COMPARE WITH HER.” (PROVERBS 3:15)
“BEFORE I FORMED YOU IN THE WOMB I KNEW YOU, BEFORE YOU WERE BORN I SET YOU APART; I APPOINTED YOU AS A PROPHET TO THE NATIONS.” (JEREMIAH 1:5)
In the big picture, who cares what others think of you? So go ahead, and post that Instagram picture; wear that outfit you love out; put on a full face of makeup or wear none at all. Do what makes you happy! Have confidence in yourself and remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are uniquely you and there is not a single person in this world that is like you.
So the takeaway- Whenever you focus on what other people have that you don't, you are wasting your time and energy. Every minute spent on comparing your path to someone else's is a minute lost on creating your own and bettering yourself. So, take back that time and energy, and start to love yourself for who you are. We all have our own purpose and we are all beautiful in our own ways. Focus on you. Focus on watering your grass and building your path. Focus on being the best that you can be and share that with the world.
Zoë
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